Author, Musician, Engineer, Lover

What is “normal” psychology?

I am currently Pondering the Definition of “Normal” psychology. What really is “normal”? I suppose psychologists define normal using some kind of survey… maybe they use a collection of brains… then define “normal” to be how a majority of brains would react to a given stimulus. But I have also been pondering how it is that we all go through life with internal struggles… and nobody can really truly know what it feels like to live in another person’s body… and therefore our only frame of reference is to assume that if we put ourselves “in their shoes” we might imagine feeling a certain way…

But the paradox is that no two brains brains operate the same way…nor do hearts… so when we put ourselves in their shoes, maybe we’re actually observing their perspective completely wrong… as we’re simply observing their perspective from our own brain chemistry. Maybe we believe they should be feeling “sad” in a particular moment, but in reality… they’re thinking… “I want ice cream”…. and if we miss our best friend that we haven’t seen or heard anything from a long time…. that it must mean that they’re feeling the same thing… when, really… we have no ability to understand what it is they’re feeling… and therefore might just be completely baffled by the ghosting.

In reality, maybe their brain processes things completely differently.

I’ve had cats during my adult life… cat owners know that different cats have different personalities… there was Jack, the lap-cat who was sweet and affectionate… there was Aeris, the grumpy cat… Zero the spaz-cat, Zelda the drooly-cat who literally wanted to be spanked… and Yuna who liked attention, but not to be touched and would try to assassinate you while you slept with the ferocity of John Rambo.

There was enormous diversity in the ways all my cat’s brains operated…. humans can only be more complicated.

Maybe you got attached to that person you had such great times with and spent every day with months ago… yet, rather than feeling attachment in return, they simply felt smothered, bored, and suddenly not only wanted to get away… but wanted to completely ignore you to the extent where even a “hello” was too much for them…. but your only frame of reference is your own internal feelings of “We had such great times together… I want the great times back… why doesn’t this work?”

In reality maybe their brain actually “gets off” on having the power control you, to make you want them…. and ignoring you keeps them in control to the extent that you’ll jump to their aid when they finally decide to come around…. This concept of “ghosting” is a psychologically well-known and accepted form of narcissistic abuse… and we’ve all encountered it at some point in time… Maybe, in fact, this is a “normal” brain!

Maybe they instinctively know that “nice” people are easy to ruin and love to do it for sport… as “winning” gives them jolts of euphoria… so maybe you were only exciting to them as a “mark”… we’ve all witnessed this in our lives… Maybe this is a “normal” brain.

So is it normal for me to miss my friend?… or is it normal for my friend to completely ghost me?… Who is abusing who in this situation?

Obviously this person is not my friend anymore…. but I’ll go to my grave trying to understand what went wrong… I miss the sharing of good times and the exchange of kind words… I will never understand why all that had to STOP… I guess that’s just how my brain operates….

That’s all for now… just shit I’m pondering…

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