James Bond walks into a bar…
… there, 65-years old, he meets a hot brunette, 40-years his junior, dressed like she just came from a cocktail party. Fitting, it is, because that’s how James Bond always dresses when undercover. After a couple of drinks, and a few smooth words… “Bond… James Bond”, they go up to his hotel room and bang.
The only reason this story plays well in film is because it is utter fantasy. It is as fantastical as Frodo Baggins evading legions of orcs to make it to Mount Doom to destroy the “One Ring”. More on that in a bit.
As should be indicated by the opening paragraphs of this post… this is going to be a controversial post. I worry that what I’m about to say is going to sound like “incel” talk… but stick around and I’m going to tell you why it’s not. The term “incel” has become popular in recent years as my woke friends have used it to quickly shut down criticisms of the “me too” movement. Now, I am not an incel. An “incel” is someone who is “involuntarily celibate”… and I am fortunate enough that I have been with a number of women in recent history… so “involuntary celibacy” is not my problem… but rather, my problem is when people go too far by blindly mislabeling any criticism of the awful behaviors of women as “incel” talk. I’m not going to defend toxic males complaining about how they can’t get laid. But at the same time, I am going to challenge the stereotypes and generalizations that you all make of men… that they are never victims, only perpetrators… that they are only interested in sex and have no feelings that can be hurt.
I have been hurt profoundly by every woman I have ever cared about. It is unfair to generalize Men as CEO sports stars, sipping martinis on million-dollar yachts, launched from one of 5 million dollar mansions, playboy studs who can walk into a room and pick out any woman to bed within 5 minutes… .that… again… is a fantasy. It is unfair to expect that of a man. It is unfair to emasculate a man for being anything less. That stereotypical idea is not just one of male idealization, but of female idealization, as women, generally, want a man who has already won… a man who is the boss… not someone still running towards the finish.
Now.. I’ve always considered myself “woke”. But I’m not so smug off the smell of my own farts that I’m blind to what’s really happening in the world. The problem that many of my friends have is that their views of the world are painted in such broad generalizations that if they were to flip themselves over they would be as horribly racist and sexist as they envision their republican counterparts to be… I’ll explain… because before you call me out for being an apologist for “The Proud Boys” (which I am not) …. In my head, it is absolutely ok to punch a Nazi in the dick. Give me a choice between ANTIFA and the KKK, I’m going to side with ANTIFA, certainly… but what I’m really trying to call out here is that generalizations don’t always benefit the individual, and some generalizations aren’t generalizations at all.. they are fantasies that some people wish were true but aren’t (like being James Bond in a fucking bar).
Truly racist ideologies, like those embodied in the Nazis and the KKK, are truly horrible and tragic. Those ideologies are based on generalizations about groups of people. Those generalizations are “largely untrue” but to the supporters of these awful organizations, the generalizations upon which they base their beliefs feel true to their members… again… fantasy. All it takes is a few anecdotal encounters with someone who looks or acts different than you, and all of a sudden you find yourself associating all black people with petty thieves and all Jews as money-hoarding businessmen, and all Mexicans to be lazy and yet, contradictorily (lol), job-stealing. Black people don’t like being generalized as petty thieves. Jews do not like being generalized as money-hoarding businessmen…. so why should men like being lumped together with rapists? Are some men rapists? Yes. Are most men Rapists? Absolutely not.
Therein lies a real problem. Have virtually all women had to turn down unwanted sexual advances? Yes, but if that weren’t the case, there would be no children in the world, as women have always expected men to make the first approach. And even if you’re female and like “I approach men all the time!” you need to bear in mind that the guy hitting on you on the right is also in a race against time to outpace the guy to your left… it is the only way to get anywhere in the dating scene!
I think lots of women mischaracterize men hitting on them in bars as “sexual harassment”. To quote one female comedian, I believe it was Iliza Shlesinger, “It’s only sexual harassment if he’s ugly, right girls?” To put some ugly guy trying to talk to you in a bar in the same bucket as rapists goes way too far. And even if you both got drunk and ended up making out or worse and you regretted it the next day…that’s on you. The shit I’ve seen go on at parties over the years… insane… girls would do some ecstasy and end up having a 3-way with a Transsexual in the middle in full view of the whole party on basically a weekly basis… don’t be out here pretending that you’re mere victims when you all do tons of stupid shit… I overhear a lot of talk in the bar when I DJ as my DJ booth is right next to a table where inevitably 4 girls are sitting, talking about all kinda of horrible shit… we all have skeletons in our closet… don’t pretend you don’t.
So a whole countermovement came out to oppose the “me too” movement where men would post memes starting with “not all men”. My woke friends shot that shit down… quickly… and being mostly “woke” myself, let me first say that I totally understand why they would shoot down a movement that counters the “me too” movement. They say that “not all men” attempts to attenuate or silence the voices of women’s suffrage in the way that “All lives matter” attempts to attenuate the “black lives matter” movement. And I will definitely say they have a point. It is a valid argument to say that “All lives matter” is invalid because it attempts to invalidate that, historically speaking, Black people are the ones who are oppressed, not white people… and the black lives matter movement is the movement that seeks reparations for centuries of injustice. It is true that BLM does not deserve attenuation, nor does the “me too” movement.
Any time you’re generalizing a group of people, you’re potentially hurting individuals. But the counterargument is that to some people it sounds like they’re saying that “white people don’t need help”… and while you’re at it, you might as well say “all white people don’t need help”. Whereas I might agree that the “all lives matter” people should shut the hell up, somewhere in the world, there is at least one white person who is looking at his own horseshit life and thinking to himself “but… but.. I need help”.
Generalizations hurt people yes. But we study them to find valuable patterns in society, in nature, in science, and the universe… and as we study these generalizations, we may find that our society needs special care to rebalance the imbalances that exist in the world. So they are valuable, generally, but not really all that valuable to an individual. It is hard to go to an individual, on the street, down on his/her luck and tell them that they don’t qualify for aid because they’re not black or not a female. That person only knows life through the lens of the life they’re living, and their life is not a statistic that can be generalized… their lives are “find food, earn money, make babies”.
The other night on Real Time with Bill Marr, they had a panel on his show in which one of the guests brought up a familiar tired argument. In his argument, he raised the concern that there weren’t enough women as CEOs of Fortune 50 companies. I think he cited a stat that there were only 2 or 3, but according to Wikipedia there are 8. So, at best, that’s maybe 16% and nothing to brag about. Bill Marr, an extremely liberal, yet refreshingly sane commentator, was quick to correct the guest that… yes… few fortune 50 companies have female CEOs, but they make up 46% of the boards.
What I want to ask though is… why on earth are we measuring the success of the common man and woman based on the top 0.01% of examples? I don’t care how many men vs. women are CEOs of giant mega corporations! It is inconsequential to a middle-class person like myself. There are lots of reasons that women aren’t CEOs as often as men… I can anecdotally dream up a whole bunch of them… 1. They don’t play as much golf 2. They don’t want to be CEOs of fortune 50 companies… because they’re perfectly happy elsewhere.
And… Was it too much to look at the Fortune 500 vs the Fortune 50?
Okay so it sucks that if you’re borne female you’re less likely to be a highly paid, 8ft tall basketball star. Your male counterparts in your starring movie roles are likely to make more money than you… get a better agent, I guess. All those things are not fair, but they’re also not you. I’m not a sports hero, I’m not a CEO, I’m not a movie star… you’re over here crying about statistics that don’t even apply to your life.
I don’t want to attenuate the conversation about women’s rights in the broader context of planet Earth. Women are horribly oppressed on most of the planet. I don’t really have an issue with the “me too” movement. Yes, people who sexually assault other people deserve to face consequences. People who abuse children deserve consequences, but, at least in 21st-century Western society, to silence the voices of “not all men” is silencing a big part of an important conversation. Some men, in fact, I might argue the majority of men (again “not all” men), a large swath…. understand, all too well, that our laws, systems, and norms about adult marriage and divorce are antiquated, and meant for a completely different era, a completely different century. Long gone are the days when a bride’s father was expected to pay a Dowery to a male suitor to compensate him for the burden of taking his daughter away from him. Our society has changed, and particularly in Western, liberalized society, the relationship dynamics between men and women are completely different in the 21st century than what our laws, systems, and norms are set to deal with, but people seem to be fed a constant, overdone, stream of media talking points about Women in CEO positions and the salaries of movie stars and sports heroes.
Okay… so now there are all the studies out there about how “a woman makes less than her male counterpart in the same job”. I think, again, you gotta peel back the onion. All of these statistical studies draw their conclusions using a bit of fuzzy math. The problem with doing studies like this is the simple fact that men and women, although deserving of equality, and being equally capable, are not the same. I think that women make less than men in the workplace because:
- Companies are always looking for the cheapest labor possible.
- Women are actually generally happy and in control of their own happiness
- The men in their lives are not pressuring them to “earn more bread”
- There is no “James Bond” stereotype for women to live up to… nobody is pressuring them to be successful… and nobody judges them if they aren’t.
- Their peers are not going to look down on them for not making enough money.
- In effect.. there’s no pressure for them to seek higher compensation, either externally from friends, family, or partners, and their own happiness does not depend on it.
What I can tell you, definitively, is that virtually all the women I know are not lonely. And with the ability to commandeer and acquire relationships of their choosing, they are in effect in control of their own loneliness and, therefore, their own happiness as it has been studied that human connection is the key to a happy life…not money…. so again.. “who gives a fuck about CEOs” (read with the inflection of Dr. Dre)
Back to James Bond. Men don’t walk into bars and meet strangers of the opposite sex to go home with for one-night of fleeting romance, women do. They can choose to form a long-term relationship with one man… or they can be perfectly happy with casual relationships. If one relationship doesn’t work out, they can replace that man in short order… there’s never really any feeling on finality to the end of any relationship.
In contrast, men universally (superlative generalization used for the literary effect of irony) experience one state of being in 2024… utter, lonely abyss. There is an epidemic of lonliness in the USA among men, and they just get lonelier and lonelier as decades pass. The suicide rate for men is currently double that of women. Women file for 70% of all divorces most often because their husbands lose their jobs (again pressure to bring home hard cash). In divorce, men lose their families, children, half of what they built, and pay alimony for the privilege of losing their families and paying someone else to love and raise their children without them. They don’t go walking into bars at age 65 like fucking James fucking Bond. This isn’t about sex.
This is a tragic story that is rarely told in today’s society, and its omission from the narrative is a tragedy.
Whereas I don’t have a problem with the “me too” movement per-se. I sorta have a problem with women trying to generalize themselves as exclusively victims in our society, when they know damn well that they are both perpetrators and victims of crimes. Men make huge sacrifices for their families and loved ones and the women in their lives routinely treat them as expendable, replaceable, and as faucets for money.
We’re all perpetrators and victims in life. Every human has perpetrated something in their lifetimes. We all deserve to be held accountable for those things. Women are often awful perpetrators of crimes against the people they claim to love and the people who love them, and I feel like to even attempting to tell my story is forbidden, for society will label me an “incel”.
The James Bonds fantasy is just the gaslighting of the “American Dream” propaganda narrative that says “you better work your ass off… you better become a CEO… you better get rich… you better… if you don’t you’re going to die a sad and lonely man!” It is a narrative designed to turn men into productive robots for the elite in our society, nothing more. Member that ladies… be kind to the men in your life.
And … Men.
Sorry… my words are not goign to save you. You’re going to die alone… miserable… lonely… with your children having long forgotten you. That’s just life for us lot.