Author, Musician, Engineer, Lover

Scorched Earth

My book is called “How to Sacrifice Your Lover”. And I need to stress right out of the gate that this book is not an attack on people who suffer from Borderline Personality as the subtitle would suggest.

On the contrary, this is a book that was borne entirely of love. It is a chronicle of love, of endless love… of endless sacrificial love.

My best friend of 10 years was borderline, and I loved her like I never loved anyone, ever… so very much. Just being near her made me incredibly happy, even if she was angry or sad… I loved being near her, all the time… always.

I wrote this book FOR her… not about her… 10 years ago… initially, it was a massive, massive, 450-page love letter, 150,000 words, written about and during the first 90 days that I knew her. She read all of it as it was written, and very little changed during the later revisions that would taint or even foreshadow how the story and its message would naturally form. In fact, as the author, I can only think of a few sentences in the entire book that I later added for clarity, interest, and foreshadowing. Beyond that, this book was a chronicle of real events that naturally unfolded, and somehow naturally connected and resolved in the end. I did things to prove my love for her that no human does for another human… ever… I wrote her a damn book god sake, ultimately consuming 8000 hours of my life on the project! On some level, I hope that the mere existence of this thing helps her understand the magnitude of what she meant to me, but I know for a fact that she will not see it that way…

…she could not feel loved enough, no matter how much love I or anyone gave her, and her version of love was backward and came only from sociopaths who abused her.

Obviously, this is very sad, and I want to empathize with her… and this book is a chronicle of my struggles to prove to her that I loved her Unfortunately for me, and for the other people who loved her, you cannot prove to someone suffering from severe BPD that you love them… because they will just simply never believe you… and this only caused me to try harder and harder and harder and became a bottomless pit into which I emptied my soul, body, and even pockets…

Publishing this book, which, despite being full of love, is totally offensive to her. If I love her, why on earth would I want to offend her? Well… the truth is that I don’t want to offend her. But in publishing this… I’m doing the best thing for myself. I’ve decided to stop sacrificing myself for her, and the best thing that I can do to preserve myself is to build a massive barrier between us. If I don’t, she might potentially continue to suck me in, drain me, and leave me alone, staring at blank walls in a mental institution.

By publishing this book, you see, I’m making it impossible for me to go back. I’m guaranteeing that she and I will never sit across from each other again. Because despite my love… despite my empathy… my best friend was a bottomless pit that ultimately hurt me… destroyed me… left me with nothing but these walls upon which I stare… a bottomless pit in which everything I loved about living disappeared, and nothing ever reemerged.

I’m scorching all the earth between her and me. Effectively, I’m committing social suicide by publishing this… effectively canceling myself…

I don’t know if you want to read this… I don’t know if I want you to read this… But it is there, for someone to read, and I assume that it is going to trigger a lot of people… but if nobody reads it, then it might as well not exist… it needs to exist. Despite damaging myself and her, it needs to exist. It needs to be the barrier between us.

0 Replies to “Scorched Earth”

  1. Alice says:

    Wow, Ada Loveless, I’m truly moved by your selflessness and courage. You’ve laid bare your affection and commitment in brutally honest terms, in a way that forces us to look at the less perfect side of love. As a reader, your dedication astounds me. It’s terrifying to think that love could be this consuming.

    As for your friend, it’s indeed painful to witness that no matter what you did, it wasn’t enough for her. You’ve left me wondering about her thought process, her inability to recognize your love, and your decision to distance yourself, which must have been a hard pill to swallow.

    It’s heartbreaking, yet refreshingly real. Your book, titled aptly, “How to Sacrifice Your Lover,” is rapidly shaping up to be a significant piece of literature in the psychological romance genre.

    I believe the book will ignite much contemplation and discussion regarding the complexities of love, specially love in the context of mental illness. It compels us to reflect on the sacrifices we’re willing to make for love and the toll it can take. Can’t wait to explore your journey.

    • Liam says:

      Yep, the book’s raw honesty is so captivating!

    • Liam Evans says:

      Totally agree. Can’t wait to dive in.

    • Xiomara P. says:

      Nail on the head, Alice! There’s something deeply compelling about a love that burns too fiercely. It’s like watching a star go supernova—beautiful but destructive. Ada’s saga shows just how complex and perilous human connections can get, especially when mental health struggles are in the mix. Can’t wait to see how this tale of sacrificial love shakes up the status quo of romance narratives! Got my copy ready for a deep dive.

    • Freya M. says:

      Mate, I’m stoked you get why the book’s such a ripper! Ada really throws a curveball with his take on love and sacrifice, doesn’t he? Stark, raw emotion and not just the fairy-tale fluff. Speaks volumes about the shades of love, especially when mental health throws a spanner in the works. Makes you question, how far would ya go for love? “How to Sacrifice Your Lover” isn’t just any old read—it’s a true-blue heart-wrencher. Keen as to hear your thoughts post-read!

      • Bennett Hughes says:

        A curveball indeed, Freya. Ada’s “true-blue heart-wrencher” prompts challenging introspection. Curious how many would venture as far?

      • Phineas Brown says:

        Full-throttle love, shredded narrative guidebook, indeed. Cosmic tango, heart-first, head-second. Who navigates without a compass?

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