Unraveling the Title of My Book
As a musician, I’m often about “phonetics” in my writing. The words I choose to write are often chosen to convey a certain prosaic musical rhythm. So I’ll come right out and say that, phonetically, I’m not terribly in love with the title of my book “How To Sacrifice Your Lover – A Tale of Gaslighting and the Cult of Borderline Personality“
But the what title of the book does RIGHT… is it describes a whole bunch of twisted realities and plots contained within the book.
Before I get into it, one comment I received about my book not long ago was “Oh look, another book demonizing people who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder! I don’t want to read your trash!” But I must convey that this is not a “another book” cutting down BPD sufferers. There is tragedy in this book, yes… but there is also so, so, so much LOVE. But there is also sacrifice…and sacrifice, although sometimes misguided, does not come from a heart of malice.
If we break it down… simply the use of the word “Sacrifice” tells us a lot. A sacrifice is often a thing you do to hurt yourself, either for the greater good, or at a minimum to benefit yourself. But the subtitle also uses the word “Cult” which conveys that this is possibly more of a ritual sacrifice, than a simple sacrifice we might make for our family. This kind of sacrifice not only hurts yourself, but hurts the other person… the person being sacrificed… which traditionally hasn’t always been someone who was jumping up on the altar out of their free will. Emperors of old might have sacrificed their daughters to the gods…but their daughters certainly didn’t go willingly. So the use of the word “Sacrifice” implies that my book contains depictions of things that we do to hurt ourselves, hurt other people we love, but also somehow in the grand plan for the betterment of ourselves or our communities.
But who is being sacrificed here? Well the book title specifically states that is “Your Lover” that is being sacrificed. So in this case, you are hurting yourself and hurting the person who loves you most, who is (in healthy relationships) the most important person in your life… but somehow all for the greater good… if that is even possible.
But who is sacrificing who in this book? The mere existence of this book hurts Yuki, the main character, as well as it hurts his counterpart. So maybe the existence of this book itself is the “sacrifice” aforementioned, a damaging piece of “literature”… but I honestly believe that the existence of this book is for the benefit of the greater good… not just for “Yuki”, but for “Inari”, and to-be-honest, the community and society in general. The scorched earth that resulted from this book was damaging to me as well as other people… but it had to be scorched… For the good of everyone.
The words “How To” were deliberately placed on the front of the title, so as to suggest that this is some sort of “manual” or “textbook” on how to achieve something of this nature, should you, for some reason, feel the need or desire to actually “sacrifice your lover“. Although this is fiction, as you read this book, understand that one of the characters in this book is an apparent guru, who can teach you what you need to know if you want to, god forbid, “sacrifice your lover”.
Digging into the subtitle, “A Tale of Gaslighting and the Cult of Borderline Personality” gives us more information about what’s contained within. First of all, it tells us that it is a story… a fiction, if you will… not a text book.
“The Cult of Borderline Personality“… intertwines two things…. a “Cult of Personality” as well as “Borderline Personality“. To a great degree, this book is about how people suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder create “Cults of Personality“. In effect, if combined with the aforementioned “How To” … you might imply that this book is a tale that tells you “how” a person suffering form Borderline Personality Disorder, might form a Cult of Personality… surrounding him/herself with people he/she cares about… yet ultimately hurting, damaging, and sacrificing them in the process… a sacrifice … something that hurts themselves, not intentionally malicious, in the end.
“Gaslighting” implies that there are some pretty wicked lies and manipulation contained within…the kinds of lies that generate much confusion and rewrite perceptions. There is a guru and a congregation of disciples in this book, and they look to the guru and guru alone for enlightenment… in a nutshell, this is a gaslighting relationship. In fact… ALL of the psychologically accepted gaslighting techniques are depicted within this book and used to brutal ends. As the title implies, this book is almost an academic, anecdotal case study… in effect a “how to” guide, on how to gaslight a congregation. The guru tells the disciples that “everyone else, they’re all liars” (a form on information control)… There’s love-bombing, outright lies, confusing positive reinforcement, bizarre behaviors to prevent cult defection, as well as put-downs, working and tasking, this constant undertone of “you need to do better”, a rewriting of emotional norms, and acceptance of flat-out denials of quite-simple realities… in effect, realities are rewritten within this book… and the disciples of this guru eventually get to the point that they don’t know up from down, what “normal” reality is…and simply look to the guru alone and accept the guru’s standards of normality, truth, and even fact. if you’re curious as to how this is actually done…and how a smart person can be emotionally manipulated into accepting realities that are not real… as the title suggests… “How to” do this is contained within these pages.
I hope this sheds some light on my story… and informs the story as you read it. I wouldn’t have hidden all that information in the title, if I didn’t want you to use it as a basis for understanding the book.
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